Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
During this Christmas season I have come to love, honor, respect and love Mary in a way I hadn't before. I have felt a great kinship with her. I love reading the account of Mary and Jesus in Luke. I love the statement in Luke 2:19 "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart."
As I rock my baby, I sing "Silent Night" or "Mary's Lullaby." I ponder the scope of Mary's life. In a lowly stable she held and rocked her beautiful child. She rocked and comforted the child that would grow to be the Savior of the world. But, that fateful night he was only a wee babe. He was her child. I imagine the absolute love that enveloped her. She must have felt the love of her Father in Heaven, all consuming love for her child, and the love of her child.
I hold my sweet baby and feel a similar love wash over me. I wonder what her life will be like. What sacrifices will she make? What joys and sorrows will she feel? What will be her contribution to the world? My love grows for her as I imagine her future. As I think of what lies before her I want to hold her even tighter. Let the future take care of itself, for tonight she is mine.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
- Christmas gifts list
- Money, money, money
- Dentist appointments
- Optical appointments and glasses
- Water heater rebate
- Neighbors and friends
- Relief Society
- The pile of paper in my kitchen
- The other piles in the house
- My Husband
- Grocery list
- How badly I want to be sleeping
- What to do for date night
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
My regret isn't that I missed out on being on that stage. My regret is that I possibly missed out on enriching experiences because I was too scared to try. If I have any wisdom to share because of this, and other experiences, it is this... The only way to guarantee that you won't succeed is not to try in the first place.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I took the book on my trip to Texas. Barely over 100 pages, it took a matter of hours to read. As with so many things in life, it was not as earth-shattering as I remembered it. However, the parable like structure of the story was intriguing. It was a good reminder of how we need to learn, grow and stand on our own. It is important to be individuals.
I have hesitated to speak in groups for fear of being different. I love how the writer expresses it. "...in the dim light of the candles, our brothers are silent, for they dare not speak the thoughts of their minds. For all must agree with all, and they cannot know if their thoughts are the thoughts of all, and so they fear to speak."
And I love how the main character expresses his newly found individualism at the end.
"I AM. I THINK. I WILL.
My hands...My spirit...My sky...My forest...This earth of mine...
I stand here on the summit of the mountain. I lift my head and I spread my arms. This, my body and spirit, this is the end of the quest. I wished to know the meaning of things. I am the meaning. I wished to find a warrant for being. I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction.
It is my eyes which see, and the sight of my eyes grants beauty to the earth. It is my ears which hear, and the hearing of my ears gives its song to the world. It is my mind which thinks, and the judgment of my mind is the only searchlight that can find the truth. It is my will which chooses, and the choice of my will is the only edict I must respect."
Ayn Rand is a little too "live only for yourself" than I am. But, I love the reminder that our experiences, our happiness, our choices and our being are truly our own. There is nobody else in the world exactly like me and there never will be. My thoughts, feeling and ideas are important. And so are yours.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
It takes a lot of time, effort and money to make my own salsa. Plus, it goes bad really quickly because I'm the only one that eats it at my house. The last salsa I had at a restaurant was abysmal. It was more like spiced marinara sauce. I am looking for fresh tomato, onion, cilantro, jalapeno peppers, and garlic with a twist of lemon. I want it freshly pureed. I do not want it so chunky that it will pass as pico de gallo. Nor do I want it to be a thin flavored water with pieces of tomato. Please let me know if you find my ultimate restaurant salsa.
Friday, November 13, 2009
My turn! I quickly paid for my prescriptions. I turned. I smiled at the others waiting in line. And I pushed my cart of goodies to the express line (10 items or less.)
The lady at the pharmacy only stole 5 or 6 minutes from my day. Still, I wish people would think about how their actions affect others. Please be considerate.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Sunday is usually the only day of the week that I am reliably, what some would call, presentable. Most other days range from pajamas, to t-shirt, jeans and a ponytail. I recently got my hair cut so that it would have more personality. Yet, it still remains in its standard ponytail most of the time. So the marble, that has been rolling around in my brain this week, is this...
What is "presentable?" And, why do we dress to that standard.
For me, presentable would be capable of having my picture taken without a black bar over my eyes. My hair would be fixed, makeup on, contacts instead of glasses, and wearing a deliberately chosen outfit. But, am I less of a person or less viable when in loungewear?
For most of my life I dressed to escape ridicule...to fit in. I was not the top of the high school food chain. I was definitely not the bottom either. When I was feeling down and left out at school my Mom would take me to buy a new outfit. I could wear this new outfit the next day invoking, what she called, the bravery of my tinkling ornaments. (2 Nephi 13:18) It was the newly found confidence in myself that helped me go to school the next morning. As a teenager I avoided wearing pink or anything that even resembled a heart for fear of being labeled a little girl. As a freshman in college I was often offered the kiddie menu at restaurants. I had to dress up to give myself age credibility.
As an adult I "looked presentable" for different reasons. I dressed for work so that I had credibility in front of the Board of Trustees. As a missionary I got dressed so that others would believe I knew what I was talking about when sharing the gospel. And, to be a credible representative of my Savior. I dressed for dates to show I would be a viable girlfriend and wife. I needed to look good, to feel good about myself. I needed to feel good about myself to get dates. I needed to date to find that special someone with whom I'd spend my life.
It worked! Now I am married to my beloved. He loves me no matter what I am wearing. He loves me when I'm sweaty. He loves me when I look presentable. He loves me when I'm greasy. He loves me when I've gained weight. He loves me when I've lost weight. He loves me when I'm pregnant and can't reach my legs to shave properly or to paint my toenails. He loves ME. So, why do I get dressed?
On the Sunday that I started this post I believed I got dressed for other women. I don't like getting together with them without looking presentable. (Which is funny since I will go to the store in whatever I state I happen to be in.) I thought it was because I feared their judgment. I have changed my view. I get dressed so that I can feel good about myself. I get dressed so that I can make more friends and have credibility with my peers. It really comes back to feeling good about myself, feeling like I have credibility. It comes back to me, myself and I and what I need to feel good. How I look will not matter to most people. But, the way I interact with them will be affected by how I feel about myself.
After all of this soul searching my definition of "presentable" has not changed. But, now, when I take 30 minutes to curl my hair and try on 5 different outfits before leaving the house I know why I do it. I do it for me.
Is diet a four-letter word? I have always believed it to be so. I've spent the last 10 years trying to "change my lifestyle." Sometimes I succeeded. But, my old ways tended to come roaring back once something upset my daily regimen. All along the way I have avoided using the word "diet." Diet invoked an image of starvation, self denial and panic in my head. I would hyperventilate because of my belief that I would not be allowed to eat.
I am now in a position, with my health, that I must lose weight. So, is diet really a four-letter word? My perspective has changed. Diet means that temporarily I give up something I want (food) for something I want more (health, little red dress.) Once I reach a healthy target I can eat a few of the things I love. I will have to change my lifestyle if I want to keep the weight off. But, the diet will help me get to the results faster.
I guess diet is a means to an end and not a four-letter word at all.